A Rant About Eight Crazy Nights

No.

No, seriously no.

I was doing so great having my first experience with this disgusting trainwreck be utterly repressed within the gutters of my mind. It was so nice and easy and made life simple. The completely braindead decision on my part to watch this movie again with friends for the “lols” was the worst idea I’ve ever could have come up with. I feel that all I have to achieve by rewatching the film upon deep reflection is that I allow a previously closed wound to reopen and then pour salt into it because why not?

Eight Crazy Nights is a musical holiday “comedy-drama” that’s produced, co-written, and starring Adam Sandler. If you didn’t know this was a Sandler production before watching this thing, trust me you are going to find out imminently once the title pops on the screen. In this cruel, unpredictable world we live in, there are two easy camps to make with it comes to his lineup. There are his good films, and there are the stinkers. And Eight Crazy Nights is easily one of his hardest stinkers.

In the spirit of fairness, I’ll sing the movie’s very few positives now. In comparison to other mainstream holiday films, Eight Crazy Nights is centered on Jewish characters during the Hanukkah season as opposed to the traditional Christmas backdrop. It should be noted that the film barely does anything relating to that holiday, but it’s something.

Undeniably the animation is very competent. Of course when there are so many animation studios involved with the production like Warner Bros Animation, A. Film A/S, Yowza! Animation, and even more names I haven’t mentioned, I could only hope that the movie looked pretty from that outset. Character designs look good, and they certainly move well. It’s an utter shame that they got wasted on a story like this, but that’s not on their shoulders. The musical numbers while not particularly memorable are least somewhat decently performed and don’t erase whatever neurons are still left in my brain like the rest of the movie.

Speaking of the rest of the movie.

Unpleasant is the best word to describe my experience. The “comedy” is what I expect from a bad Sandler film. In that, it is extremely juvenile as it aims for the lowest common denominator with toilet jokes for days on end and always aiming for the first joke you think it’s going to do. And the bad ones too.

What makes this film such a hard watch however can be found in its purest form with the film’s central character Davey Stone voiced by the one and only Sandler. Now I expect bad comedy from a Sandler film. I’ve gone that avenue before plenty of times. However, for a film that he produced, wrote, and stars in. With the lead character design visually based on him to boot, the last thing I would expect was that he would make him so insanely unlikable.

Davey is such an insufferable jerk without any sort of charisma or charm that could make his nasty attitude somewhat bearable to watch. I’ve watched movies and tv shows starring sociopaths that were more likable and easy to root for than Davey. That is not a joke. Someone like The Grinch maybe…well you know the Grinch. But even he would be put off by Davey’s personality. He treats everyone around him so poorly for really no reason. It gets so bad that the film’s attempts backstory and attempted redemption arc feel hollow and contrived.

He is the one person everyone fears will show up at the family holiday party. He’s that type of guy. And while I’m on it, almost everyone in this film is rather bloody awful for once again no reason. Selfish and treat other people like garbage. One of them is the film’s secondary character being Whitey Duvall. Who is um…well how do I explain this without getting banned from this platform?

Whitey gets so close to being a likable character. He treats everyone around him with kindness and compassion. Even going the extra mile for people who quite frankly don’t deserve it. He is best buds with his sister, and it is quite clear that all he wants is just to be accepted by his townfolks. Sounds all good right? So why does he make for another intolerable presence in a film that is populated by them?

The answer is actually is really simple. He’s voiced by Adam Sandler.

If there is one thing I can ask from Sandler that I truly hope he does for the sake of my mental health or eardrums. If there is anything I can ask at all. Never, and I mean never voice an old man ever again. Please and thanks. If I have to sit through any Whitey-like character ever again, I might take two q-tips and push them deep into my ear canal in order to make my suffering stop. Watching Whitey in Eight Crazy Nights feels like watching a hate crime in action. Just no.

Oh, I did forget to talk about the product placement? Oh yeah, there’s a lot of it. Foodfight would blush at how much of it is in this film. The sight of watching various store logos come alive to lecture Sandler about his bad behavior is something that can only be seen by yourself to believe. But that would mean you have to actually watch the movie and here is the best thing about doing that.

You don’t. Ever. Eight Crazy Nights is a bad Adam Sandler flick. One that’s particularly more sour compared to his other works. Stay away. Do not think about it. If you do and somehow dare to bring family and friends with you, then just know that the responsibility falls on you to pay for their therapy.

And yes I watch this during the Hanukkah season. No, I am not proud of that fact.

Never again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s